Friendships in a Relationship

It’s hard to make new friends in a relationship, or at least this one, or maybe it’s always hard to make new friends.

No one is good enough to be her friend, but at the same time she gets so lonely or bored that anyone who speaks to her is good enough to be her friend.

Then they complain or need help, and she forces the help onto them, they feel obliged to take the help.  Taking help can be dis-comfortable for some people, and for example: for me to take a present from you is me doing a favor to you.  It’s hard to get me a useful present because if I need or want it I want to be able to provide it for myself.

Then they get dis-comfortable, or she pushes them aside, or flakes, or blows up on them.  Friends are dispendisble to her.  They aren’t going to stay in her life anyway, so why bother to try to keep them.

Her life has been so bad that she deserves to be able to do whatever she wants.  If they want to be her friend they have to just accept it.  They’ve had such a good life that they need to make the effort for her.

She’s already tried to be friends with them in the past, but they don’t say hi to her.  Or when they say hi to her it’s only because they want something from her.

Talk about setting the situation up for failure.

But that’s her, what about me?

For some reason, the only people I can make a connection with are people that… to say that the only people I can make a connection with are people that I would want to sleep with would be an overstatement.  My idea of a perfect body image has… changed to my girlfriend’s body (minus the double chin and belly so I guess I’m still an ass).

But yeah, the girlfriend points out that everyone I try to be friends with is strangely on the more attractive side.

I feel more comfortable around more attractive people, why?:

  • People who think of themselves as unattractive can feel a sense of entitlement where the people they see as more attractive had a better roll of the dice.  As in they are willing to screw them over when the time comes, and not feel bad about it.
  • People with a higher self image are not as depressing.  They don’t constantly back talk themselves, and have a higher desire for pursuit, for improving themselves.  For getting involved.
  • That makes people with a higher body image more fun (potentially).
  • And then, yeah they’re fun to look at.

I don’t owe you anything because I’m younger than you.  My success was not free.

I don’t owe you anything because I weigh less than you.  My weight was worth the effort to me.  My weight was not free.

I don’t owe you anything because you think I’m more attractive than you.  You could fit my image of a perfect girl just like I fit your image of a your perfect boy.

I don’t owe you anything because I am a male.  There is female privilege just like there is male privilege.

I’m sorry for what you had to go through.  I’m sorry that I can’t make you understand me.


Changing For a Relationship

I will never again believe someone if they say that they will change for me.  I will never give someone that chance.  I told her that I didn’t think she wanted to be who I wanted her to be.

Which makes me the ass.  But I don’t care if its my fault.  At the end of the day fault doesn’t matter.  Everyone loses.

“If the person didn’t want to be fat, then they wouldn’t be.  They would change for themselves, they wouldn’t need to change for you.  The effort, the pain involved in changing the lifestyle.  All of that is pain you cause them, they are not doing it for themselves.”

Seriously?  I don’t understand.  Well I guess I do.  Pain is your identity.  Discomfort is who you are.  If you lost that, you would lose your identity, you would be something different.  If you grew up disliking a type of person, then you wouldn’t want to change and be one.

It’s the stupid middle class syndrome.  Change is dis-comfortable, and discomfort contains more pain than the alternative.

I’d be the same way too if I didn’t have a different kind of pain.  I need a reason to live, and I’m looking for that reason.  I have to continue to change to try to get rid of that pain, that lack of reason.

When the other person express discomfort for an avoidable reason, it isn’t hard to understand, but it can be hard to accept.  When it’s just someone, you can brush it off, but when it’s someone you care about it hurts to watch their pain.  It is painful to see them in pain, and then they expect you to … just accept it.  But when helping them means sacrifice, and you see it as an avoidable sacrifice that didn’t have to happen?  Don’t help me then they say.

You don’t care enough about me to help me they say.


Sometimes it really matters that you get what you want.  But why does it matter?  I split it into a couple different reasons, and 100% in order to make me feel better about myself.

  • Because it’s time dependent.  If it goes badly, the event cannot be easily replaced.  It is centered on a physical time and place, and there’s no repeats, no second chances.
  • Because you’re tired of not getting what you want, and just want it to go your way just this once…
    • I’m torn on this one.

You can be there for someone when they don’t ask, when they don’t need it.  You can do something in a way for someone when they don’t need to it to go their way, and it won’t be appreciated because they would have been able to do it them self.  If they can’t do everything them-self, then they need you to be there for things they can’t do themselves, not for things that they can.

When you and the person you are with, especially your partner, both want the other to join in who is supposed to give in and surrender?  Who makes the sacrifice?

I invited you to be part of my life, and you needed me to sacrifice that so that you could feel as though you are important to me.

That shrug of yours.  As if you are saying, “I know that I just hurt you, but that’s your fault.  You made this happen.”

Yes, I am the keeper of your emotions, I control how you feel.

Holding Back

I had agression problems as a young child, and I’d always get mad and throw a fit.  I learned quickly to hold back and control myself.

If you’ve read other posts, you’d understand how intense I was raised to hold back sexually.  No cursing, even if everyone else did.  Not talking back,  not sharing opinions, studying instead of playin video games.  There’s a culture of holding back.

I’ve had homocidal and pedophilic desires.  I can’t control them any more than wanting to eat ice cream, but I’m not at risk of doing either.  I could hide them, but I’d rather have those who feel the same get help instead of continuing in silence until they crack, and how can I expect others to do what I cannot do myself?  Lead by example.

Quitting your job to work for youself, what’s holding you back?

Approach the girl, what do you have to lose, what’s holding you back?

… I’m just use to holding back in this culture that teaches one thing and expects another.

I’m doing exponentially better than before, but I’m still easily burned. 

Raisin Oatmeal Cookies

I was at home, and took out the cookies that I had purchased from the store.  I bit into them, knowing that they were Raisin Oatmeal, and bit into them.

I knew it was a dream.  I would never knowingly buy Raisin Oatmeal, and I always check.

I was curious to see if I could taste them.  Disgusting.  OK, they weren’t that bad.

“I Would Do Anything For Her” – The Girl

The Girl, because the girl is second class to the guy, expected to accept the afterthought as making her an equal.

The girl who is handed the world, and gets the privilege of the equality that the men are willing to allow.  Regardless of the new found privilege she is allotted, she is treated as though she is being handed whatever she wants without having to work for it.  As soon as she gets anything she is treated as though it was handed to her, and that she did not work for it.

And now there’s that guy.  That guy that romantically complains that he is not good enough for her regardless of what he does.  He’s a nice guy, a nice sweet guy.  And she’s supposed to like him because he likes her, as though she doesn’t have rights.  He doesn’t give her what she wants, what she needs.  He is allowed to skip past girls that he doesn’t like, but as soon as she does the same she is treated like a slut.  A girl who doesn’t know what is good for her.

She gets to choose from the guy who wants to buy her, rescue her instead of work with her, tell her everything she wants to know before walking out on her the instant he gets bored.  Expect her to trust him even though he knows the men of the world.

It’s her fault that he can’t make her happy even if he tried, as though his desire made her his slave.

How can she be expected to give herself away to someone on their whim.  Someone who she fully expects to toss her away once he becomes bored of her.

“I Would Do Anything For Her”

Take a look at Peeta from The Hunger Games.  Has he become the norm of what boys have to face nowadays?

Boys are taught to watch from afar, and have a rescue instinct that makes it so that they cannot make a move unless the girl needs help, needs to be rescued.  But they dote on a specific version of a girl – one who is a fighter, one who doesn’t want to be rescued.

Girls have been treated as second class citizens for hundreds, thousands, if not millions or billions of years.  But if they are not prepared for their new generation of freedom, they have the option to surrender to a man of their choice.  They can even become a “Sugar Baby,” and get paid “for their hotness.”

The problem is not the impossibility of going back to the older ways.  It is possible for a male to walk up to a female and ask her to give herself to him.  The confidence, the masculinity of it would make him attractive.

The issue is that the boy has a strong mother, one who feminizes her son.  She is the strong woman and demands that her son follow exactly what she says, and the father goes along because she is intimidating. The son sees a strong woman who takes charge, and pushes the boys in line.

So the boy cannot take demand masculinity due to his inability to ensue insubordination, but he can only find desire for a girl who is powerful, in charge, and above him.  She would not be his equal, she would own him.

There are girls who are willing to be the girl for this guy, but not the girl that he dotes on.