Heathen/Hellbound and The Colbert Report

I was watching The Colbert Report today, and he randomly asked the guest what his religion was because he had ‘declined to answer.’  “Are you Catholic, Athiest, Agnostic?” he asked.

The guest gave a smile that may indicates that Colbert?(I think his name is) found the answer.  “Well, you know, Agnostic is the same as Athiest without balls.”

I know that the Colbert Report is full of jokes, and this joke I could let slide.  It kindof pokes fun at politicians saying that they are hiding facts and hiding behind Agnosticism. Opposed to knowledgeable Agnostics who know the facts and have decided that making a choice is not necessary.  I find myself to be quite aligned towards Agnosticism – if a God really did create this planet, and hid all of our memories from us, and then on top of that is not here to answer questions.  That’s enough for me to decide that he wants me to focus on learning, growing, and gaining this experience rather than focusing my life on studying the facts that are not as pronounced.

Now – on the Colbert Report they make another joke, but this joke I found to be ignorant, and not ignorant only because it is an ignorant joke, but also because it follows all other ‘christian led’ public beliefs.  I even pulled back up the show to get this line right.

“So you continue not to specify your response, well I’ll just put you down for Heathen/Hellbound.”  Great, congrats.  The opposite of religious is Heathen.  Heathen is a derogatory term used to indicate that paganism, and other earthly religions are uncivilized, and not as advanced as Christianity.  The term works as desired, and those that are not aware would find this to be quite amusing.  You can go into a pretty good depth concerning jokes being funny unless they’re about you, and that might be a good point.  I don’t feel like writing about that, and if anyone decides to feel free to show it to me to read.

I am Agnostic, I am Christian, and I am Pagan.

Pagan and Christianity do not interfere because although Pagans believe in many (G)ods, Christianity for me has not said that there is only one God.  Instead it indicates that although there are multiple, God wants to be the only one worshiped, and becomes envious if another is worshiped in his place.  He wants to be the only one recognized.  The Christian God is the one that has chosen us, and is the one that is involved comapred to the others which likely stopped being involved, or chased off, long ago.

I mentioned how by Agnostic I feel as though there is no need to worry and focus on the details because that’s not the main focus in my life. Religion and Christianity is there if you need it, but if you don’t it isn’t that big of a deal.

“Oh, but if you don’t go to church/ be involved you’re going to hell.”

What is hell?  By which religion?  The worst hell I’ve had described to me (note my Agnostic tendancies when it comes to what I come accross) is that it is exactly the same as heaven but without God’s immortal presence.  If you’re not interested in being around God in the first place than why do you care if he comes to your tea party?  I also believe that if we are going to live immortal lives there’s going to be opportunities to “ascend” to heaven if that’s what you desire.

*I finished the episode, didn’t get too upset, but when people say that there’s so accepting of so many things and then throw that kind of ignorance in my face I just have to stare.  Really? You really think you’re an accepting person and you just used that word?  It’s more of an insult to call me a heathen than stupid, bastard, ignorant, or ect. because you’re insulting a way of life that I believe is better, more enjoyable, and more self-sustaining.


The Busy Busty “BBW” Girl

Willpower – Not defending what I’m writing about… *lol* – I did something similar for the “nice guy,” so here’s the similar scenario on the girl side.  There’s so much less defense I can give this personality though because even though they scream reject me … the nice guy you can have and he’ll give you everything.  Chances are this girl will push you until you either accept her or reject her, and if you do accept her there’s still a high probability of her rejecting you for not reaching her standards.

So I tend to see these girls as those who are more interested in an actual relationship, and you could say that they “need” this type of relationship to be themselves.  However chances are good that they are not in a relationship, and this only furthers their personality.  If they were actually in a relationship their personality would be different.  They would no longer have the dreary eyes, the constant first dates, and would not have the constant up and downs that they are provided by the constant dates that they seek.

I will first break down the title:

*Busy – They have a combined work/school load of at least 60hrs/week which keeps them busy and fullfilled, they have friends, and everything except a boyfriend.  They are looking to fill that hole that they perceive.

*Busty/BBW – This is more directed to how they see themselves.  The four generalizations are slim (don’t eat much), athletic (same as slim but they have more energy/muscle appearance), average, and “BBW.”  To me BBW indicates that their weight is actually damaging their system, and anything less than that is normal/average.  I wouldn’t really call these girls BBW, but they call themselves this indicating that they consider themselves as ugly, and are waiting to be turned down.

Lower confidence, and with the constant workload they don’t have the time to sit down and prepare themselves to take the jump, don’t have the energy to dip into their willpower which they’re already using on food/work…

If the guy actually likes them then they would be ok with my personality, they would be ok with me missing the date, they would stick around regardless.

The guy should take the initiative so if he doesn’t then he’s not interested.  If the guy doesn’t text first then he’s a player.

Don’t want to settle so the guy needs to be strong, funny, caring, personal, well-settled in life and have figured everything out. He needs to have flaws so that he’s not better than her, but can’t have any flaws that would be detrimental.  He needs to know what to say and when to say it.

She wants to find the right guy by chance, and doesn’t want to feel like she’s limiting her options by creating a list.  It just needs to work and feel right.  Willing to take the time to wait for the right guy, but it really hurts to be single so she has to keep looking.

I realize that my level of analysis is guaranteed detrimental, but you have to seriously consider an important detail:

*When you go to a job interview it is almost mandatory to wear a tux/formal wear even if the job will not require it.  Even if you get the job anyway the first impression will have an impact on what the boss will think of you because it is the FIRST impression.  Any other impression will have to re-write the first one which is unneccessary extra effort.

Why show the worst side of you to begin with?  And if you’re so patient then why don’t you give each guy more of a chance?

Just keep looking at guys, talking to them, and searching for a flaw to reject them while trying tossing them reasons that anyone with self-worth would immediately drop you over.  Wash, Rinse, Repeat.

** If the guy already knows the girl, and is up to the girl’s standards of personality and lust; and if the guy is interested in a more intense long term relationship: then the relationship will be long and amazing.  Pursue-worthy

** If the dating is online-based the relationship is not likely to work – one week before she gets too self-conscious over text and someone says something that causes a loss of interested. Chances are she’s not confident (and available) enough to meet up in person within a week.  Anyone who sticks around after a week is likely too “desperate” to fit her standards.

Taboo Writing Scenes – “Porn for Housewives”

I was able to write a few death scenes that described the death, and I even have some self harm scenes added.  However, as I was writing today I came across a point where a sex scene begs to be written.  Considering that there’s death, gore, SH, and very contraversial politics involved my target audience is certainly older to begin with.

In a book a sex scene is seen very differently from a movie – it’s no longer cool.  It’s no longer sexy, or exciting.  It just isn’t the same as showing a picture of boobs.  To me a good sex scene builds up a book, and isn’t detrimental, but I think of the other books I’ve read and I am guilty of considering books with sex scenes to be “B” class.

It’s like the sene somehow discredits the author… It’s as if the author is writing to get off while writing the scene, but should have removed the scene during an edit.

*Writing for yourself and writing for your own personal pleasure is a great thing that I encourage.  Just, I always try to be perfect, and that’s what I have to do for my own personal goals – and that includes considering and thinking about my audience.  Sadly the main character could never actually have sex and that cuts out most of the potential for such a scene.  Maybe in my next book I’ll try to copy these authors I’m calling “B” class because I know for a fact that they’re well-off, famous, and have great reviews (from myself included).

It’s just a shame that a sex scene in a book requires more immagination, and sex imagination is a little more … extreme?

How To “Chose” To Be Happy / Emotion Manipulation

So ten years ago around the time my family left the mormon church they spoke of how being homosexual was a choice, and that those who were wrong concerning their sexuality could chose to be heterosexual.

Do recognize that this a more severe demonstration of emotion manipulation.  Manipulating your emotions can be rather exhausting, and so leading a heterosexual life when you are actually attracted to the same gender will be taxing.  The more recognized form of emotion manipulation that is actually accepted by the masses is more adaptive.  If a person who is going through a tough time choses to be happy when they would otherwise be sad has an advantage that the homosexual mormon does not.  Being happy and having a happier outward appearance makes those around you happy, and places you into a situation where you are more likely to actually be happy.

The homosexual is pretending to be heterosexual, the unhappy person is pretending to be happy.  They are doing this in hopes that they become the person that they want to be – and this has the potential to make them stronger than they hoped.  Let me give you an example:

Someone who lacks confidence decides to pretend to be a confident person.  At first he makes mistakes as he builds himself up and builds his confidence.  However over time he becomes a more confident person in reality, and when he finds himself in a situation where he lacks confidence he can use his technique of “pretending” to be confident when in actuality his technique makes him more confident.

“Pretending” becomes the stable post that is used to allow someone to build up their own emotion that is desired. *It’s as if you are saying: “I’m not actually a confident person, I’m just pretending to be confident.  I was able to ask out the guy/girl becuase I was pretending to be confident. I was ready for the test because I was pretending I had the time to prepare.  I was able to sing in front of a crowd because I was pretending I was confident.

It can be hard to let yourself be confident, be smart, be loyal, be amazing, be beautiful.  Instead “pretending” gives you the option to be the person you’d rather be without actualy believing it.  Over time you will recognize youself as having more of the characteristics that you’d rather have.  Even when it comes to characteristics like being confident you have to realize that a six that has self-confidence / self-worth is more attractive than a ten who doesn’t.  I’m not saying that the six is equal to the ten with these characterics, instead I’m saying the six wins hands down.  This tends to be more true for guys, but still it’s foolish to believe that beauty is only skin-deep.  Appearance is more than just bone structure.

So yes, you’re saying you’re pretending- but everyone else will say that you’re actually confident.  You actually are that person, but to yourself you are just pretending.  For those who want to try this out the point is that you’re pretending… the rest is the theory behind it.

But that’s not the point of this post.  The point of this post is how to actually feel those emotions: No “pretending.”

This is harder, and I can only share my own experiences conserning this point.

In first grade I learned how to smile even when I wasn’t happy so that the other kids didn’t think I was sad.  I wasn’t sad – but I didn’t have a reason to be happy so I wasn’t smiling.  At home it was the same, but I wasn’t the happiest kid so there was pressure to hold the outward characteristics of being content/happy even when I was not.  I developed this characteristic “smirk,” a permanent smile that I always hold when I am more… devoid of emotion.

Before you can implant the emotion that you want to you first have to stop feeling emotion, and then with a fluid movement feel the emotion that you want to.

There are a few ways to stop feeling emotion.  Generally these methods are only used by those that suffer from Depression, are Bi-Polar, or are in so much pain that they just need a release from feeling any emotion.  That’s why the “pretending” emotion manipulation is so much easier – because if you haven’t had to feel those emotions this method will likely never work for you.  Sadly those would benefit from this method likely have had to suffer too much and that is why they are in the position to need to fake emotion to put themselves into a better position.

Practicing the emotion loss makes it easier, and opens your mind to new emotions.  Since the method is two steps the first step needs to be discovered and perfected before the second step can be done.  You have to be able to feel at peace instantaniously without using any of the suggested techniques.  You have to be able to take a second, pause, feel relaxed (instantly), and only then can you move onto the next step.

*Meditation, relax, create an immage that doesn’t make you think but instead just gives you the single emotion of relaxation.  For me I could use the “wave method” of an ocean of waves that just rock back in forth.  This helped my mind calm down and fall asleep as a child.  Sadly this image is not the one that I use nowadays.  The most calming picture for me is mentally cutting and bleeding out.

I don’t condone self-harm, but that is where I learned how to release my emotions.  I begged every god I could think of to take away all my emotions, and I’ve SH’d for eight years.  Meditation and relaxing should work for anyone who tries it.  It won’t work immediately, and will obviously take time to develop.  Like I said before- I’ve reached a point where I can think of relaxing and instantly feel relaxed without having to SH, or use imagery.

Step Two.

The state of relaxation is used to erase the other emotions out of your mind to prepare the mind for the emotion desired.  Happy and sad are not very compatable you see, neither are low confidence and high confidence.

You’re in a state of relaxation, but not a state that you hold onto.  It’s like drawing a bow and then releasing it without holding it to take aim.  You don’t necessariliy have to decide what emotion you want to feel beforehand.  It’s more of – I need to feel a certain way immediately so you decide to.  As you can notice immediately doesn’t have much of a time requirement.

As you let the relaxation slip away you pick the emotion and hold onto it.  Do you know what it is like to feel happy, confident, sad, tired, energized, excited.  You just feel what you want to feel, you act how you want to act.

What “Nice Guys” Don’t Understand

When you run into a nice guy, they have certain characteristics.  They are going to treat their girl right, perfect even, and will never do anything that has a chance of hurt her.  They’re willing to make the sacrifices her, think of her first, put her first, and be hers. Dispite all of this they still find themselves single, and this makes them a little angry.  They know it’s not their looks. They might not be a 10 because they don’t work out constantly, but they’re still a good high 7, or 8.  they’re fit, educated, and might even have started a career.

The nice guy thinks to himself, “nice guys finish last.  The girls only want to go after guys that hurt them because it makes them exciting and dangerous.”  They think to themselves that they don’t stand a chance, but they want someone bad enough that they still go out and talk to girls.  They’re good looking, educated, can hold a conversation (somewhat), and don’t have much trouble getting your phone number.

But what the nice guy doesn’t realize is that they’re not a catch.  They think they are, they think they deserve a girl who is along the same standards as them, and that could make a great pair. The problem is that the nice guy has flaws. These flaws aren’t the normal type of flaws, but rather extreme ones that can be rather specific to the nice guy.

*He is only going to consider one girl at a time.  This means you will be his sole focus, but the problem is that if you are not his sole focus as well he will assume you’ve lost interest and moved on.  You’ve talked, maybe been on one date that went well, but you’re not exclusive.  If he finds out you’ve been on a date with someone else it may not be a dealbreaker for him, but he will leave all the initiative to you.  And this can be a turn-off for so many people.

*He won’t give you all of his emotions because he can’t.  He is waiting for you to find a dealbreaker and throw him aside.  You may have found him to be amazing for a short while, but this sudden lack of confidence, initiative, and what can come off as a lack of interest can scare away even the more interested women.  This goes on to the next point.

*He’s damaged.  He will need you to tell him he’s worth you, that he’s amazing.  You’ve done it once, you’ve done it twice.  When will he stop waiting for you to leave and just be himself already?  On top of that he doesn’t know how to date, doesn’t know when to text you, doesn’t know when to call, doesn’t know what to say, doesn’t know what to do.  You don’t want to have to teach your partner what he should do because you want him to be doing it already.  You don’t want a puppet- you don’t want him to act a certain way because it’s what you want.  You want him to have his own personality.

*He victimizes you.  “oh you’re not interested because I’m too nice, I’m too great so you don’t want me.”  What you want to say is yes, you want someone who’s nice, you want someone who’s great, but those are pre-requisites, what you need and expect in anyone.  You also want him to at least try to be interest, nice, attractive.  Nice is just too plain, and you want more than that if you’re going to give him the rest of your life.  And seriously, “like me or you’re a horrible person?” The person you’re trying to date should not make you feel that way.

*He’s willing to date anyone, the first person who talks to him *wins.*  Yay you.  You got the guy because you said hi to him.  You’re so special because you have someone that anyone could have.  It’s as if he’s telling you you’re not interesting, you didn’t win him over, you don’t make a great pair, you don’t have so much in common. How do you know he’s really interested, or just grabbing at the first person he might be able to win.

A nice guy makes for a short term boytoy.  Anything other than that will take some additional work.  He needs to figure out what he wants out of a relationship, what he wants in a girlfriend, what he wants to do with her, what he expects from her, and what he is willing to give up in exchange.  I’ll give her anything she wants to be with me, he says to himself.  This doesn’t work in the long term.  This doesn’t even work well in the short term.  He’ll slowly want the relationship to be more along the lines of his image of a perfect relationship.

Yea, the nice guy has the potential to be the best boyfriend, and lover.  He just isn’t there yet.  You might decide to give him time, and build him up.  Or you might decide that you want a partner and not someone who needs so much work.  Just remember that that is your choice, and that you’re not the reason why he’s being rejected.  You’re not rejecting him because he’s a nice guy.  You’re rejecting him because he is setting himself up for failure.  Any choice but rejecting him will require work, pain, and time.  A relationship shouldn’t be hard, shouldn’t be painful- but that’s what a relationship with a nice guy means.  He just doesn’t know it yet.

**Note: I’m not promising this is 100% accurate.  Feel free to comment concerning any ideas that you may have.  Knowledge is power.