What “Nice Guys” Don’t Understand

When you run into a nice guy, they have certain characteristics.  They are going to treat their girl right, perfect even, and will never do anything that has a chance of hurt her.  They’re willing to make the sacrifices her, think of her first, put her first, and be hers. Dispite all of this they still find themselves single, and this makes them a little angry.  They know it’s not their looks. They might not be a 10 because they don’t work out constantly, but they’re still a good high 7, or 8.  they’re fit, educated, and might even have started a career.

The nice guy thinks to himself, “nice guys finish last.  The girls only want to go after guys that hurt them because it makes them exciting and dangerous.”  They think to themselves that they don’t stand a chance, but they want someone bad enough that they still go out and talk to girls.  They’re good looking, educated, can hold a conversation (somewhat), and don’t have much trouble getting your phone number.

But what the nice guy doesn’t realize is that they’re not a catch.  They think they are, they think they deserve a girl who is along the same standards as them, and that could make a great pair. The problem is that the nice guy has flaws. These flaws aren’t the normal type of flaws, but rather extreme ones that can be rather specific to the nice guy.

*He is only going to consider one girl at a time.  This means you will be his sole focus, but the problem is that if you are not his sole focus as well he will assume you’ve lost interest and moved on.  You’ve talked, maybe been on one date that went well, but you’re not exclusive.  If he finds out you’ve been on a date with someone else it may not be a dealbreaker for him, but he will leave all the initiative to you.  And this can be a turn-off for so many people.

*He won’t give you all of his emotions because he can’t.  He is waiting for you to find a dealbreaker and throw him aside.  You may have found him to be amazing for a short while, but this sudden lack of confidence, initiative, and what can come off as a lack of interest can scare away even the more interested women.  This goes on to the next point.

*He’s damaged.  He will need you to tell him he’s worth you, that he’s amazing.  You’ve done it once, you’ve done it twice.  When will he stop waiting for you to leave and just be himself already?  On top of that he doesn’t know how to date, doesn’t know when to text you, doesn’t know when to call, doesn’t know what to say, doesn’t know what to do.  You don’t want to have to teach your partner what he should do because you want him to be doing it already.  You don’t want a puppet- you don’t want him to act a certain way because it’s what you want.  You want him to have his own personality.

*He victimizes you.  “oh you’re not interested because I’m too nice, I’m too great so you don’t want me.”  What you want to say is yes, you want someone who’s nice, you want someone who’s great, but those are pre-requisites, what you need and expect in anyone.  You also want him to at least try to be interest, nice, attractive.  Nice is just too plain, and you want more than that if you’re going to give him the rest of your life.  And seriously, “like me or you’re a horrible person?” The person you’re trying to date should not make you feel that way.

*He’s willing to date anyone, the first person who talks to him *wins.*  Yay you.  You got the guy because you said hi to him.  You’re so special because you have someone that anyone could have.  It’s as if he’s telling you you’re not interesting, you didn’t win him over, you don’t make a great pair, you don’t have so much in common. How do you know he’s really interested, or just grabbing at the first person he might be able to win.

A nice guy makes for a short term boytoy.  Anything other than that will take some additional work.  He needs to figure out what he wants out of a relationship, what he wants in a girlfriend, what he wants to do with her, what he expects from her, and what he is willing to give up in exchange.  I’ll give her anything she wants to be with me, he says to himself.  This doesn’t work in the long term.  This doesn’t even work well in the short term.  He’ll slowly want the relationship to be more along the lines of his image of a perfect relationship.

Yea, the nice guy has the potential to be the best boyfriend, and lover.  He just isn’t there yet.  You might decide to give him time, and build him up.  Or you might decide that you want a partner and not someone who needs so much work.  Just remember that that is your choice, and that you’re not the reason why he’s being rejected.  You’re not rejecting him because he’s a nice guy.  You’re rejecting him because he is setting himself up for failure.  Any choice but rejecting him will require work, pain, and time.  A relationship shouldn’t be hard, shouldn’t be painful- but that’s what a relationship with a nice guy means.  He just doesn’t know it yet.

**Note: I’m not promising this is 100% accurate.  Feel free to comment concerning any ideas that you may have.  Knowledge is power.

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