“I’m Easy to Please” – The Loss of “The Chase”

I was guilty of this in the past and I knew it killed my desireability, but it didn’t hit home until I went on a few dates with someone who had this same personality.

By saying that you’re easy to please, you don’t have any dealbreakers, you can be easily enterained, you’re up for anything… I’m not saying it comes off as desperate, but instead as accepting and open.

However, you don’t have much of a personality.  Instead the focus is on making sure they don’t feel rejected even if it comes at the cost of being rejected yourself.

When you first start to get to know someone, especially if sexually or romantically attracted to them you become interested in their lives and what they enjoy, and all the little stuff.  Someone who has no specific interests can be seen as bland/boring.  Instead the focus of the relationship quickly is directed away from other activities to sex.  Not because either person is shallow, but because it is the only thing they have to offer.

Also, it forces the other person is expected to make all the moves, determine the speed of escalation, ect.  And for a guy this can be an issue since the guy is the one who is culturally responsible.  For a girl they’ve got more options in this field. Since this easy to please person appears to be going simply through the motions (you’re taking them to things you like to do), it can feel like they’re waiting for you to escalate to sex.

So in my situation the gut induced obvious move is to invite her back to my place. I don’t have an issue with sex.  I’d be all for renting a room in a hotel, flowers, candles.  I could make it fairly romantic.  For lack of knowing what she enjoys she has a great and entertaining personality.  My issue is with letting her into my space.  My safe spot that I walk into after pretending to be human for a long day and curl in a corner and wait for the pain to subside.  I don’t trust her enough yet.

I feel as though it would be a loss for us both if I just complained, said it was over, that I’m not ready for a relationship (probably aren’t).  It would also make me a fool if I left as some sort of way to do her a favor.  So what do I want?  I want to know what she enjoys, and if she doesn’t know yet that’s even better.  I told her “easy to please” just makes everything more of a challange.  What’s one more impossible challange?  I’ll take them all on.

Advertisements

20 thoughts on ““I’m Easy to Please” – The Loss of “The Chase”

  1. This was a great read. I consider myself the type that is fairly easy to please, meaning, it’s not what you’re doing but who you’re doing it with that matters most to me. But to see it from your perspective, it opens my eyes a bit more. I never thought of it as being seen as going through the motions, or the added pressure lets say on the other person.

    Liked by 1 person

    • That’s exactly what she said- maybe even word for word.!

      I understand that, sort of at least. You could say it is harder for me to accept since I’ve been starting to learn that what we do does matter to me, and there’s activities like bowling or trivia that I genuinely used to do to fit in, and participate. However, I’ve realize I don’t enjoy the activities themselves.

      So in order to feel as though the other person is having a full experience I would like to make sure they enjoy both the people and the activity.

      My only real suggestion that I do personally use is that if there’s two equal choices being given to me- even if I wouldn’t enjoy one more than the other I’ll make a choice anyway. So that the other person doesn’t have to control the entire direction. Not umm, pretending you like one more of course, but like flipping a coin.

      Like

      • If you genuinely don’t enjoy doing certain activities, I say, yes you need to make it known. Thinking about it in the more detailed way, if someone suggested going bungee jumping, or maybe running (I can’t run because of my knees) I obviously wouldn’t enjoy the activity.
        But I like your idea of “flipping the coin” I’ll do that if posed with two equally enjoyable tasks, and I do find myself as I’m getting older, feeling bad for making the guy have to plan or chose everything. It should be as equally planned as possible.

        Liked by 1 person

      • With all the factors in place, the day, time, place. Not having a preference feels like … Like they aren’t speaking up for them self. That’s kind of what I’m used to, so believing that she really enjoys the activity either way. Can’t shake off that. Hmm, I am trying to keep my mind open to it though. I kind of would rather have something we both enjoy doing rather than having it only about us enjoys each other company.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. It makes sense. Kinda like going through the motions, not really participating, just going along for the ride. I think in relationships, we should try to do activities that the other person is interested in, but where it’s a 50/50. If you like comedy clubs and she likes trivia night, try and join in, but if it’s something you loathe then that’s a whole other ball game. But, it can open up conversations and communication between the two of you, and that’s a good thing.

    Like

    • Nah I was just giving an example of something I dislike. I don’t loath it, just not really interested. I have no idea what she likes or dislikes, I had quite a bit of trouble trying to convince her to pick a favorite color.

      Like

      • So she really doesn’t know what she likes or dislikes then. This reminds me back in my early 20’s, I was dating a guy, he was 31 if I remember correctly. He was making breakfast and asked how I wanted my eggs. Simple enough right? I just said, whatever way you’re making them is fine. We ended up having this discussion of why it’s important to know how you like your eggs cooked. Just going with the flow for the sake of others is doing yourself a disservice. Of course this was eggs, but he had the bigger picture in his mind. I know that seems like I’m off on a tangent, but knowing how you like your eggs, your favorite color, your favorite drink, is kind of important. You need to know yourself. Not everyone is aware of what they like, at the same time in life. I figured out how I like my eggs at 23, I’m still figuring out other things in my life and I’ll be 40 next week. It’s a process. Maybe try to make it something you can both find out together? Just a suggestion off the top of my head.

        Like

  3. That was what my frist instict was too, although I’ll need to be careful. I don’t want to be thinking that I’m fixing a broken abused girl. – Dating someone that you require to change/fix will likely not end well for either person. From my conversation with someone else she’s so perfect that I was thrown off. There’s no… ahphew, you have flaws/vices too.

    Also, I need to make sure that I don’t make what I do a game, and that I also take into account what I want/need as well since if I ignore my desires it’s the same as her ignoring hers.

    Everyone’s different, and if she’s happy. I’ll just have to know that she needs to let me know she is, and that she knows that she’s not allowed to let herself be pulled around doing things she doesn’t want to do. And if she legit doesn’t know, opposed to actually not caring, I’ll let her know that I unfortunately care about what she enjoys.

    Like

  4. Passivity in relationships can be frustrating. And emotional neediness is a hard sell in any situation, which is probably why so many of us try to bury our insecurities under the armor of bluster, jokes, or stoical nonchalance. On the other hand, I think a lot of people out there are walking around hiding their feelings so effectively that they never–or don’t often enough–connect with anyone. It’s a tough tightrope to walk. Thank you very much for following my blog. I’m going to follow yours, too.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Well, we’re sharing parts of yourself can scare away others, it also can bring people closer. It’s hard to not take passiveness as “I’m not quite interested yet, but I’m hanging around because I want to give it a chance.” While they are waiting for an excuse to say why it doesn’t work.

      Oh well/~ It’s still going well with this girl of mine, and everyone is different.

      Like

  5. Interesting thoughts on an interesting subject, but to me something else comes to mind, too. If someone is easy to please the other (the one that person is attracted to) is nothing special, not even to this person. And don`t we all want to be special to people who are special for us?

    Like

    • I think that for the most part it feels more like they’re not interested, and that you’re being tested. Especially if you’re not used to swooning? People. From my experience I get the ‘I’ll accept anyone and you’re not special’ vibe when people start to victimize themselves. No one can love me, I’m fat, I’m ugly, I just want a nice guy.

      I told her easy to please means that she’s the hardest to please. It makes it harder to plan everything without knowing what she’d like, but it makes things more interesting as well.

      Like

      • If someone said to me “I`m easy to please” I`d probably worry that they have no personality or are unable to make decisions. I`d also think if I can please them that easily, so will everybody else, and if I was already an insecure person, this would worry me if we were still on first dates…

        Liked by 1 person

      • I feel as though it’s really easy to come up with reasons to not date someone. I feel as though if she genuinely is easy to please and she enjoys your presence that much… Being able to make we happy easily should be a good thing.

        Insecurities shouldn’t be indulged. You just might be what she’s looking for if she’s choosing to spend her time with you.

        Like

      • That`s true, actually. I remember times where I liked anything that the guy liked or suggested just because it was him who suggested it. I didn`t like his music but because it was important for him I still went with him to concerts. I do however think that this is quite immature and you should grow out of this eventually. I wouldn`t like it (at least not long term) if it was the other way round…

        Like

      • If this theoretical person existed, it’s not their fault they are high on life. When it comes to this girl I’m dating, it appears to be work well. A lot of people like the guy to build the plans. Only time will tell. I have enough energy and excitement in my life that just sharing what I’m up to, and what I want to do should keep us both entertained.

        Like

  6. Sometimes a woman will leave it up to the guy because she thinks it makes him feel masculine and in control, or because she thinks he ought to do all the arranging, like Christian Gray. I’m easy to please myself, but I have views. Maybe she’s just waiting till she knows you better to reveal them.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s