Hot/Cold Relationships

Do I want her to be my girlfriend or do I want nothing to do with her?

Is she interested in me, or am I someone who is here to entertain her when she is bored?

Would she stay in the area for me? Would I stay in the area (and turn down a job) for her?

Could I, Do I want to spend the near future with her?  Do I think she is a waste of time?

Do I want to know her last name, Do I want to meet her family, her friends, where she works?

Or do I want the mystery?

Do I trust her?


Do I stay with her for the times when she is my world?  Do I just use the idea of what I want her to be to add to my fake personality, my fake character.

I know what I wanted when we first started.  It’s still the same.  I have yet to let her in on the secret.


One Word Responses To Texts

There are three rather good explanations for having one word responses to texts, and I don’t use any of them myself, and here’s why.

  1. You can’t hold a conversation, and llegitimately don’t give much input over text.  Instead you are more of a talker (actual phone conversations), or not a phone person.  It’s not a bad thing, you emphasize having actual interaction in person.
    1. I find that all forms of communication are important, and that’s why I make sure to be able to converse in other forms.  Although I can struggle on the phone.  (Like a lot of those who missed the generation that actually spoke over the phone.)
  2. You are busy, but want to make sure that you give a response.  However, you don’t have time to do much more than read the text and say, “oh cool” before getting back to what you’re doing.
    1. Chances are you shouldn’t be texting in the first place.  I don’t mind it when people do this – it is a part of them, but this type of conversation can be confused with #3.- Uninterested.  I’ve found that it’s better to not answer the text until you have spare time.  A text is just a text, and if you’re busy you’re not obligated to respond immediately.
  3. You are not interested, but want the other person to know that you got their text.  Perhaps they are someone you do want to talk to occassionally, but you don’t want to talk to them right now.  Just ignoring them can be taken as worse then saying, “yeap I got your text.”
    1. Taken as not being interested in the conversation.  One single word text can be fine, three in a row indicates that you aren’t going to be … participating.

It really doesn’t matter what your reason is.  If you’re not interested in talking I’ll find something better to do.  If you don’t enjoy talking and would rather do something in person I expect that to be clear (and if you don’t have time to do something in person there’s no reason for us to be conversing.)  If you are busy and can’t text, then I’ll do the same as #3 and stop bugging you.

Sex dreams / The Talk With Father


I’m going to first go over yesterday’s dream so that I can weed out the number of actual readers so they don’t know more about my family than my actual family knows. 😉

I was at a sex club / murder house that I and this girl had been abducted and brought to.  I say sex club because I was doing it with this amazingly beautiful girl and there was another couple next door who were as well.  (Never gone to a sex club irl).

We needed protection so we opened our door.  I knew that down the hall I had been working on building a secret room to hide in / use to escape from the guards.  (That’s how the murder house is involved?). There were doors down the hall on either side for a good distance which is not abnormal for dreams, conscious mental movies, or stories.

We made it to the room, but the guards heard the girl doing something on the counter.  I got her to stop making noise and bluffed the door waiting to see if they  would walk past.  They spoke and acted as though they did not hear anything out of the ordinary but one of them still came into the room.  It felt like my brother, but did not have the face of my brother.  (I have had dreams with people involved from to but with the faces of them too.). I wasn’t worried because I was invincible and could get shot by the gaurs and I’d be fi right, so I attacked him when he came in.  I didn’t have time to attack the second guard because apparently getting hit by the gun, even though it did not do much, woke me up since I had been asleep for a good period of time anyway.  I woke up with the best feeling ever, the feeling that has driven my dream journal.  The little things in life. 🙂

My sleep disorder finally doesn’t feel as bad anymore, and I don’t feel the need to sleep as much as I did before when I had days off. It’s one of the reasons why I eat, why I give an hour  a night to work out.  If I work out an hour, and get to sleep an hour less I win twice.


I was back at my parents, again, because apparently when I fall asleep I can not but help to have unresolved family issues.

I was in some random corner of the house, I don’t quite remember what I was doing there.  Something that they didn’t enjoy, and decided to confront me about. There’s always some conflict that requires me to say “nope, now I’m leaving” so I gather my things to leave.

Something about my little brother trying to open the door to let in a cat, and the space was mine, but under the parents ownership/influence?  I can’t quite explain…

My father came to talk to me.  This is strange because it is something he’s never really done.  I’ve never had a good sit down and talk about life kind of conversation with father – it is always him telling us he could have done things different, better.  We are not good enough for him.  Which is fine I guess I don’t quite care about making him proud.

I yelled at him for not protecting us from mother.  (I can’t tell when awake- so not a loud yelling but more of an angry punch in the face type of language.  Where the words do the damage the voice would have done.). For not having a hand in our lives, for not giving me a reason to live.  I could feel love for him, but I told him that it was too late for our relationship, and that I would not be able to ever forgive him and move on.  He actually wanted to try in my dream which is rather amusing.

The thought of going to a mental institute was kind, soothing.  I pulled down my shirt to show him the scars on my shoulder.  (I realize traditionally shirts are pulled up- in dream interpretation this is to indicate how the cuts were placed higher up to prevent detection.  While still being on the extremities since they damage so much better than the chest or stomach).

I had new cuts, ones that I was surprised to see.  Pulling down my sleeve further showed more cuts and scares that don’t actually exist- and should have in theory allowed me to go lucid.  But I was so focus on father that I must have not cared about lucid dreaming.

There was something else after that’s now gone. The dream wants to pull away.  I need to practice more.  But you could say I prefer to be busy and don’t like having the time to practice.

Cuban HIV Strain CRF19 May Help Debunk Conspiracy Theorists

This entire blog post was inspired by the science article *doi:10.1016/j.ebiom.2015.01.015.* I have previously written a blog about HIV conspiracy theories, and this article does a good job at linking at providing proof concerning a few of the facts.  Although the patient numbers are fairly few and specific so I won’t be about to use it as proof.

*Additional HIV transmission in those who don’t use protection which allows recombinant HIV strains to mix.

*Opportunistic infections seen in healthy individuals where the organism itself would not cause disease.

*Differing onset times indicate the preventative drugs themselves are not the sole cause of illness.

CRF19_cpx is an Evolutionary fit HIV-1 Variant Strongly Associated With Rapid Progression to AIDS in Cuba

I will start with the Study Population.  Everyone that this research uses to gain data are HIV-1 positive patients that are currently at the hospital being treated for medical care. This narrows the pool of information to those most at risk to the virus.

There is no HIV-1 negative “control” patients.  It appears as their control is people who have the HIV virus and those that have HIV-1 but are classified as “non-AIDS.”  This *negative* control would not only have provided information to debunk conspiracy theorists, but would have also indicated that the process used to find particulates such as the following are accurate.

****Log VL at sampling (RNA copies/ml plasma) 3.7 (3.0–4.3) (N = 20) 4.7 (4.2–5.4) (N = 22) 4.7 (4.0–5.4) (N = 47) 0.0028 N0.99 0.0033****

I do applaud this study because ethey do give an effort to include the RNA copies/ml (assumed to be HIV RNA copies) rather than just taking a look at the viral load on the system (interleukins, inflamatory cytokines, ect.

5 out of the 9 patients exhibiting CRF_19 have oral candidiasis.  They also were less likely to use any type of protection indicating the likelyhood of contracting multiple strains of HIV.  (Which creates the CRF recombination).  I would like to know if these 9 patients at all were intimate with each other.

C. albicans is carried in the mouths of about 50% of the world’s population as a normal component of the oral microbiota (wikipedia).  As an opportunistic infection from a microbe that is already present, it gives greater strength to the belief that HIV is the cause of the illness.


I tried to find out how they subtype HIV, and for the most part they do use envelope proteins.  This type of system is acceptable, and I may myself replace the charts listed elsewhere that provide the reasoning as:

Subtype A: Central and East Africa as well as East European countries that were formerly part of the Soviet Union.

Subtype B: West and Central Europe, the Americas, Australia, South America, and several southeast Asian countries (Thailand, and Japan), as well as northern Africa and the Middle East.

Subtype C: Sub-Saharan Africa, India, and Brazil.

Subtype D: North Africa and the Middle East.

Subtype F: South and southeast Asia.

Subtype G: West and Central Africa.

Subtypes H, J, and K: Africa and the Middle East.


A few faccts about CRF19 itself:

CRF stands for Circulating Recombinant Forms

CRF19 is a recombinant of subtype D (C-part of Gag, PR, RT and nef), subtype A (N-part of Gag, Integrase, Env) and subtype G (Vif, Vpr, Vpu and C-part of Env).

CRF19’s onset of AIDS is likely triggered by the use of RANTES and an extra effecient protease.  RANTES is a part of our host system and acts by binding to CCR5.  HIV utilizes CCR5 in end stages to progress, and previously this stage is what slowed down AIDS progression.  Protease is a part of subtype D HIV strains, and this enzyme allows the viral proteins to form mature virons fasters.

The Ignored and Unnecessary Dangers of Vaccination

I am not anti vaccinations, but I am pro-choice in that there should be more vaccination choices out there.

Family that experiences reactions to vaccinations and what they’ve gone through:

When science comes into play and people are against something the immediate response is that they must be ignorant, and they must listen to people who have more knowledge of science than them.  They must listen to their betters who have decades of experience believing everything they are told as fact.  And God forbid anyone with a science background start a discussion.  They should know better.

Let us have the scientific discussion.


Thiomersal is an organomercury compound used as a preservative in vaccines since the 1930s to prevent bacterial and fungal diseases. (

A vaccine containing 0.01% thimerosal as a preservative contains 50 micrograms of thimerosal per 0.5 mL dose or approximately 25 micrograms of mercury per 0.5 mL dose.


The 0.01% limit is not accurate, and this percentage can not be done to such a specific amount.  Wine alcohol %’s are decreased compared to what the bottle percentages say to enter a lower tax bracket.  The amount of food in packages are lower than what is actually contained.  It is based on being able to round, or “allowable ppm.”  If the 0.01% means two significant figures vaccines may try to be 0.01% but allow 0.0149%.

With such a low dose required to cause death and neurogical problems it amazes me how people say it can’t be possible that the mercury will renter into a more poisonous state.

  • Scientific Review of Vaccine Safety Datalink Information June 7-8, 2000 Simpsonwood Retreat Center Norcross, Georgia
    • CDC & FDA conference to determine the effects mercury and other vaccine reagents can have on the system, and how it should be addressed. *** Autism / ADD caused by Mercury.


Aluminum as an adjuvant causes damage in the injection site to create the immunologic response that they compounds themselves don’t make. “Aluminum is a Brain Toxin” (

PMID:22235057[PubMed – indexed for MEDLINE] *** In summary, research evidence shows that increasing concerns about current vaccination practices may indeed be warranted. Because children may be most at risk of vaccine-induced complications, a rigorous evaluation of the vaccine-related adverse health impacts in the pediatric population is urgently needed.

Penn and Teller on Vaccinations

It’s obviously better for our children as a whole to get vaccinations than for them to not get vaccinated.  However, I expect researchers to acknowledge the risks, and find adjuvants that don’t cause damage to our children as a whole.

For those that think that public knowledge of vaccination risks would cause them to not vaccinate, how about making vaccinations that do not contain the unwanted ingredients whose only reason for existing is for shelf life.  Vaccinations with a shorter shelf life would make the vaccinations costlier.  This is a price the parents would be willing to pay considering that they are willing to risk their children concerning facing life threatening illnesses compared to the vaccinations themselves.

*****Herd Immunity:

Those who are against vaccinating their own children while looking at all the facts (that vaccinations help keep the society as a whole healthier) but still don’t vaccinate their children are in a weird position.  They rely on heard immunity protect their children, but don’t add to it.  I can’t bash them though.  They are responsible for giving their children the most power that they can (which all other parents do) especially if it comes at the cost of other kids.  If they were been listened to, after all, they would not need to worry about the dangers of vaccines.  The vaccines would be safer, and their issues with vaccines would be respected.

Single Dose Vaccinations (Vials created for one vaccination rather than multiple doses in the same vials) should be made without perservatives.)

  • Translation: Although we just said mercury should be removed from vaccines quickly, we are not going to take you up on your offer to do just that. Robert F. Kennedy’s recent article on this letter exchange helps capture the outrage many feel. (
    • Even if Vaccinations now do not contain Mercury, our government has shown how they will choose to not follow paths that respect thte deisres of parents unless they are forced into doing so.

The Unexpected Costs of Cheaper Foods

I was shopping as I normally do at a store called Winco.  It is a large competitor for Walmart, and you don’t normally find them in the same area.

They are open 24/7 which is why I was there (at 2am after work). I have a fond spot for chicken strips, and I do pay a premium once in a while for a fancier brand.

Unfortunately, if you pay attention to how Winco restoks foods, you will find te frozen foods sitting outside of the freezers every night for an unknown amount of time.  I don’t see people actually opening and placing the frozen food into freezers, I only see them moving boxes around.  I also notice a lot of frost on the food.  I guess I was just in denial when I bought it anyway.

Now, feel free to argue that if you cook the food really well that you don’t need to worry about food poisoning.  You are wrong.  As many species of bacteria reproduce ten also produce toxins that when ingested will make you feel ill and throw up.  Thankfully your entire day isn’t ruined because once the toxin has passed through your system you can go on with you day.  So yes, after throwing up all morning I still went in to work feeling perfectly fine.

I went in again the next day and their fresher meat smelled like rotten fish.

You can buy the same brand foods at different stores and experience different levels of quality based on the store and how they treat their food.  You’ve been warned.

My battle with sugar, and how I cut it out of my diet!

I grew up eating a lot of sugar.  I drank a lot of milk, and a lot of soda.  There was even a period of time where I experimented with baking cookies where I would make a batch a day.  It only got worse when I turned 16 and started to travel around due to college.  I would eat pounds of candy at a time.  A dozen doughnuts.  I wouldn’t eat sugar for the taste but instead for the feel I would have in my stomach.  The sugar rush you could call it.  It would be painful, sure.  The sugar high would be accompanied with a sore stomach, and then after a while there would be the crash.

I was pretty bad at eating anyway so I didn’t notice any pains that were greater than normal.  I would eat a single meal a day, and there were times where I wouldn’t even eat that one meal.  I would crave sugar though.  When I was at the store looking at all the food in the isles my mout would water and I would need something sweet.  Like I said earlier: pound of candy, dozen doughnuts, something along those lines.

This was normal to me, and not something that I had done to myself because of my freedom.  It was the lifestyle that I been raised into.  I was used to ignoring the feeling associated with being hungry.  With growing up constantly ignoring them, feeling hungry would not make me want to eat.  In fact they would make it harder for me to eat.

A “slightly larger” mother who dieted and ate seperate meals designed to her combined with five children.  Meals were pushed off an hour at a time until there was only one large meal per day.  Even times were they was food in the fridge we were pressured to not eat because she was about to make us a meal.  My father has the same habit that I *used* to have.  He would come home and eat a meal after work, but does not eat much during the day. That is the present though, five to years ago he did the same, and I saw him do the same.  He would have boxes of snacks and sweets sitting around in his little cubicle.  Maybe he even does it to this day.

I would say that I didn’t really care about my eating habits until I had worked at my current job in Oregon for over a year.  They just didn’t matter.  I had more serious things to do with and I was healthy, alive.  It is the cravings that finally got to me, the loss of power that would happen after work and I would feel a disgusting pull to something sweet.  So one day I just went cold turkey.  The cravings stayed for about a month, and interestingly so did any ability I had to feel hungry.  In fact eating became gross, and every now and then I’d have to sit down and force myself to eat.  I didn’t quite realize how unhealthy this was until one day I noticed that I had not eaten for four days.  The longer I wouldn’t eat the harder it became to eat at all.

When I did eat I would feel bloated.  I wouldn’t have that smooth stomach that I wanted.  If eating half what you should and feeling fat for eating when you’re underweight aren’t signs of anorexia I don’t know what would qualify. (Developing anorexia, not being anorexic).

But I got a bit more pressure from life, and got an other sort of culture shock.  I began to eat small meals throughout the day, and built up the amount of food I could eat.  Then, a month ago, after having tried out rock climbing I joined two gyms.  Being able to tell myself that I don’t have to worry about adding on fat because I work out an hour a day has allowed me to eat as much as I want, and considering that I have cut out sweets and a large amount of snacks out of my diet the foods I eat consist of primarily vegetables, fruits, bread, and meat.

So now when people hear about what I eat they say that I’m one of the healthies people they know, but they don’t know.  I kind of feel bad for anyone who asks me for advice, and for people who might see the title and thing that it can help them out.  The only helpful advice I can give is quite simple.  Don’t look back, don’t give yourself days off.  It makes it all easier to not have it around, and to get in the habit of saying no always compared to only during specific times.  (The time difference between waking up and going cold turkey and joining the gym is approx. a year.)