Sex dreams / The Talk With Father

*****3/27

I’m going to first go over yesterday’s dream so that I can weed out the number of actual readers so they don’t know more about my family than my actual family knows. 😉

I was at a sex club / murder house that I and this girl had been abducted and brought to.  I say sex club because I was doing it with this amazingly beautiful girl and there was another couple next door who were as well.  (Never gone to a sex club irl).

We needed protection so we opened our door.  I knew that down the hall I had been working on building a secret room to hide in / use to escape from the guards.  (That’s how the murder house is involved?). There were doors down the hall on either side for a good distance which is not abnormal for dreams, conscious mental movies, or stories.

We made it to the room, but the guards heard the girl doing something on the counter.  I got her to stop making noise and bluffed the door waiting to see if they  would walk past.  They spoke and acted as though they did not hear anything out of the ordinary but one of them still came into the room.  It felt like my brother, but did not have the face of my brother.  (I have had dreams with people involved from to but with the faces of them too.). I wasn’t worried because I was invincible and could get shot by the gaurs and I’d be fi right, so I attacked him when he came in.  I didn’t have time to attack the second guard because apparently getting hit by the gun, even though it did not do much, woke me up since I had been asleep for a good period of time anyway.  I woke up with the best feeling ever, the feeling that has driven my dream journal.  The little things in life. 🙂

My sleep disorder finally doesn’t feel as bad anymore, and I don’t feel the need to sleep as much as I did before when I had days off. It’s one of the reasons why I eat, why I give an hour  a night to work out.  If I work out an hour, and get to sleep an hour less I win twice.

*****3/28

I was back at my parents, again, because apparently when I fall asleep I can not but help to have unresolved family issues.

I was in some random corner of the house, I don’t quite remember what I was doing there.  Something that they didn’t enjoy, and decided to confront me about. There’s always some conflict that requires me to say “nope, now I’m leaving” so I gather my things to leave.

Something about my little brother trying to open the door to let in a cat, and the space was mine, but under the parents ownership/influence?  I can’t quite explain…

My father came to talk to me.  This is strange because it is something he’s never really done.  I’ve never had a good sit down and talk about life kind of conversation with father – it is always him telling us he could have done things different, better.  We are not good enough for him.  Which is fine I guess I don’t quite care about making him proud.

I yelled at him for not protecting us from mother.  (I can’t tell when awake- so not a loud yelling but more of an angry punch in the face type of language.  Where the words do the damage the voice would have done.). For not having a hand in our lives, for not giving me a reason to live.  I could feel love for him, but I told him that it was too late for our relationship, and that I would not be able to ever forgive him and move on.  He actually wanted to try in my dream which is rather amusing.

The thought of going to a mental institute was kind, soothing.  I pulled down my shirt to show him the scars on my shoulder.  (I realize traditionally shirts are pulled up- in dream interpretation this is to indicate how the cuts were placed higher up to prevent detection.  While still being on the extremities since they damage so much better than the chest or stomach).

I had new cuts, ones that I was surprised to see.  Pulling down my sleeve further showed more cuts and scares that don’t actually exist- and should have in theory allowed me to go lucid.  But I was so focus on father that I must have not cared about lucid dreaming.

There was something else after that’s now gone. The dream wants to pull away.  I need to practice more.  But you could say I prefer to be busy and don’t like having the time to practice.

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3 thoughts on “Sex dreams / The Talk With Father

  1. Woah! I thought I had crazy dreams! Well, I really do hahaha but this is some deep stuff, with your father that is. It’s pretty amazing how your mind works while you’re asleep, don’t you agree? My mother and I have a really good relationship now that I’m an adult but growing up, she was a single parent to us (my brother and I) who had troubles with herself and therefore made life at home pretty scary. Like I said, we have a really good relationship now so it was shocking when I had a terrible nightmare of her being so hateful and mean. I cried so much in the dream and felt so much hatred for her. I woke up exhausted and hurt by all the words she threw at me that reminded me of old days I buried deep down. I guess it was my subconscious telling me it wasn’t time to forget.

    Liked by 1 person

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