Paranoia

For a dead person who has a fake personality, and can’t fit into situations it is not hard to also contains fault where one believes they don’t deserve to move up in life.

After much long self-study I have convinced myself that I do deserve what I want because if I looked onward to myself- if it wasn’t myself but exactly identical that person would deserve.

But that does not help the paranoia that I would actually be offered what I want.  Something that isn’t left over scraps by other people who have moved on.

But that’s fine, as a pretend person I can pretend to not be paranoid, and plan for the worst while hoping for the best.  Unfortunately when the circumstances don’t allow for a plan B it places a problem that would usually amplify paranoia.

But that’s fine.  With a deep breath paranoia needs to be exercised so that it does not become the monster that causes failure. 

It’s fine.  How many times have I already played chicken with life?  Been in a situation where everything would fall apart if a miracle didn’t happen?  Just let the last few days roll by with a psychopathic destruction of unwanted emotion, and then gently allow life to open up and not destroy… Everything.

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