Listen to the ENTIRE assignment 

Rather than just plotting to follow along. Here’s why.

This specific story part of the dream starts with this meeting, or this class, where they explain the entire assignment, but for some reason I don’t pay attention to it!

I run across J as the class concluded, and I guess this job started right after the “class.”

You will have to complete the circuit in two and a half minute quarter mile pace.”

“That’s easy, not even worried at all.”

“Yeah,no, that time includes everything.” J scrambles away. … Whoever is given that rotating position at work (How I met her) is always scrambling.

I go up the stairs.  Andrew is taking pictures of Pokemon cards. It is the first time he has been in one of my dreams. (My elder brother). I just watch him, and then follow him as he goes down the stairs.

As I walk towards the door he says, “you need the 8 cards to put on the towers.”

There is a set of cards on the wall which I grab.

“That’s more than eight…”

“I’ll put the ones I don’t use back.”

“The pictures….”

“Just go, I’ll figure it out for myself.”  I can run faster than him, I’ll catch up and pass him easy enough.  Up the stairs I set the cards down to take pictures.  I don’t know if I need eight seperate Pokemon, and when I look at the cards j only have six.  The rest are the same few Pokemon in different poses, different elements.

Then I just think the dream is stupid, waste of time, something I don’t care to continue.  And the dream concludes.

The Arrow and Vaccines

Is the show just poking fun at the science behind vaccines, do the creators really not know the science behind them either?

The city is going to be hit with a bio-engineered attack that will kill a decent percentage of those infected if not all those in the range.

But a vaccine taken will provide you immunity.  Except for the fact that they stole the vaccine days before the attack.  The body obvoiusly can’t build an immunity in days, that’s the point of them in the first place, so that the time it takes (weeks/months) to create the immune response cycle is taken before infection begins.

So, the show is either making fun of the population for blindly following ineffective vaccines, or the show is indicating that those who defend them don’t even know the science behind them.

401K – Retirement Investing

Invest up to 6% of your income that is matched 50% by the company.  You are honestly not going to find an investment that gives you a 50% bonus on day 1 on CD risk investments.  The only problem with this type of investing – retirement investing, is that the point of the money is that it isn’t taken out until you are 60!

I don’t want to think about when I’m 60, I don’t want to think about when I’m 30.  Life certainly isn’t as bad as before.  I don’t cut three times a day just to make it through the week, but I honestly still haven’t found something that makes life worth living.

Not to mention that the matched capital isn’t kept as mine unless I stay with this company for six years. Which I don’t see either.

Maybe I’ll take a few classes while I work this job since I live so close to a few nice colleges.!  Decision made. Prepare to watch me show off some drawings and animation!

Falling Back Asleep

So maybe you almost fell asleep and something worke you up, or you woke up in the middle of a dream.  You have two choices, and each have their own benefit.

1) Work backwards through the dream remembering and writing down each detail.  This helps with memory and will help you remember your current and future dreams.

2) Continue the dream similar to how you would force start the dream of your choice.  For example, if you are driving down a road and you wake up, you can continue driving down the road.  DO NOT OPEN YOUR EYES.  Opening your eyes will bring in your other senses and cement you into consciousness.  If you instead just continue with your imagination you can slip back into your dream state.

Although you should realize that if you become successful with this technique you will not remember the dream when you wake.

Pff. I honestly would rather prefer to remember my dreams than have a mild sleep dissorder that makes it hard to wake up…

What A Dream Can Say About You

I want to imply here that the world can be seen in many ways, and that the world is the same regardless of the way it is observed.  But the world can be changed based on the way it is observed.  Because observations change actions.

I occassionally have a dream that not only questions why I keep a dream journal, but also questions my desire to live.  It is as though there is no way that I can grow my life to comapre to the dreams that I dream.

My dream was a rather simple one.  A girl that I had been secretly crushing on was over at my family house, and I chose to go to my bedroom.  Not for any particular reason, but because it was my space, secure, safe.  I had chosen not to ask her out or get involved because she was four years younger than me, and that kind of age difference matters when you’re only in high school.  Liking her made me feel like a pedophile.  And fearing that you’re a pedophile makes it easy to ignore emotions.  As if I did not have enough reasons to be ignoring them in the first place.

The sad part was that she was into me as well.

The dream continued with her knocking on my door and asking if I wanted to get pizza or watch a movie.  Within a matter of seconds another girl knocked on my bedroom window.  Another girl that was rather extroadinarily hot and one that I had also spent a great deal of time around.  In college of course, which makes it acceptable except for the fact that she was in a relationship. She had shown an interest in my interests, and weirdly I had shot her down pretty badly.

She had asked why I did not participate in track or cross country anymore.  Running was a “gateway” drug to my cutting, and when I started to cut running just made me angry.  Angry at how I wasn’t competitive during the years I trained for hours a day because I had asthma and taking medications would have made me weak.

I told her that I had learned how that I found running to be based on pain, and that I was not interested in chasing after pain.  You can immagine how that type of reasponse could be a “well, okay conversation’s over” type of reaction if not said well enough.  And I was in the period of learning how to talk to people at that point in time.  Not to mention ignoring emotion due to not wanting to form bonds.  Everyone was going to go their seperate ways ater college after all?.  Socially I grow rather slow.

She entered into my room and specifically asked if I wanted to fuck.

A feeling of sickness started to reach into my stomach, and when placed in a situation where I have to make a choice I generally just let time slip and choose neither.  Way to lose out right?  but choosing either would demean the other?  I figure I could make a choice if I had to.  Although the choice would have been very flip of the coin.

But then they agreed I could have them both.  That they would not mind something casual until I was able to decide between them.  That they wanted to see if it would work out too, to test the waters before committing.  That having to make a choice between the two might be more serious than they’d like.

Which is a problem? that I’ve had.  That I take everything too seriously, and generally don’t accept dates from anyone else after I’ve been on the first with something.  That I give them too much credit and seriousness.  Something about wanting it to be more relaxed.

Something of this sort can be seen two ways.  Either you can see the dream as something that can’t compare to real life, or you can see it as having improved, and that you are one step closer to the life you want to live.

Not that I want to be with two girls at the same time.  In this situation I’d never accept that – as if I was saying that they’re not good enough to be the only one that is with me.

I don’t need the sleep

New life, new responsibilities. A life to be jelous of.  And yet a part of me is jelous of theirs, although I would not be able to make the trade.

I need the time to pass, to dispear into the life of pleasure while I await for the “real existance” to become sufferable.

Soon. The pressure is the push that the promise of bliss could not ceate.  “Furute” can be postponed where pain can not.

… … …

This, that, a million things.

And I can not hold onto the care required to translate the thoughts into words, into action.

So for now I will allow myself the splurge.

There are worse drugs than sleep.