Changing For a Relationship

I will never again believe someone if they say that they will change for me.  I will never give someone that chance.  I told her that I didn’t think she wanted to be who I wanted her to be.

Which makes me the ass.  But I don’t care if its my fault.  At the end of the day fault doesn’t matter.  Everyone loses.

“If the person didn’t want to be fat, then they wouldn’t be.  They would change for themselves, they wouldn’t need to change for you.  The effort, the pain involved in changing the lifestyle.  All of that is pain you cause them, they are not doing it for themselves.”

Seriously?  I don’t understand.  Well I guess I do.  Pain is your identity.  Discomfort is who you are.  If you lost that, you would lose your identity, you would be something different.  If you grew up disliking a type of person, then you wouldn’t want to change and be one.

It’s the stupid middle class syndrome.  Change is dis-comfortable, and discomfort contains more pain than the alternative.

I’d be the same way too if I didn’t have a different kind of pain.  I need a reason to live, and I’m looking for that reason.  I have to continue to change to try to get rid of that pain, that lack of reason.

When the other person express discomfort for an avoidable reason, it isn’t hard to understand, but it can be hard to accept.  When it’s just someone, you can brush it off, but when it’s someone you care about it hurts to watch their pain.  It is painful to see them in pain, and then they expect you to … just accept it.  But when helping them means sacrifice, and you see it as an avoidable sacrifice that didn’t have to happen?  Don’t help me then they say.

You don’t care enough about me to help me they say.

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3 thoughts on “Changing For a Relationship

  1. if everyone is open minded of people regardless of who and what they are, accepting their differences, this life is exciting, but if everyone looks for changes because its hard for them to accept people as they are, then this life is boring…what makes life exciting is our differences, in character in personalities, and being unique, if needs to be changed, it should be the decision of that person, not by being told so

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    • What if the person has always wanted to change, but had no drive? Is it her fault still if the time she gets the drive to change just happens to be when a boy that she really likes wants her to change? Love is a funny and disastrous series of complications and dedications, a series of ups and downs through the time of being together. Love is not easy, it can be boring, overwhelming, and just letting some things be. If it’s true love, there shouldn’t have to be a sacrifice, there can be “meet in the middle” factor or compromises. And then there’s fear… fear of the girl losing the boy, or vise versa. So what does one do? Maybe since one has wanted the change, maybe even before the other came around, it shouldn’t be a mind boggle for wanting to change to be a couple. Love might of been just one sided.

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  2. If you need a reason to live, why make the girl do all the decisions for the two of you? Why can’t it be mutual? Why is wanting to be equal so hard to let happen? Maybe the girl just likes hearing how special she is to the boy… maybe the girl tried changing, but the boy just hides and doesn’t show how proud he is, or is it that the boy might just be blinded? Since she doesn’t feel appreciated because he still tells her she is fat and ugly, she gives up. Her pain might not be a bother to you, but how can it make you happy to downsize someone?

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