Friendships in a Relationship

It’s hard to make new friends in a relationship, or at least this one, or maybe it’s always hard to make new friends.

No one is good enough to be her friend, but at the same time she gets so lonely or bored that anyone who speaks to her is good enough to be her friend.

Then they complain or need help, and she forces the help onto them, they feel obliged to take the help.  Taking help can be dis-comfortable for some people, and for example: for me to take a present from you is me doing a favor to you.  It’s hard to get me a useful present because if I need or want it I want to be able to provide it for myself.

Then they get dis-comfortable, or she pushes them aside, or flakes, or blows up on them.  Friends are dispendisble to her.  They aren’t going to stay in her life anyway, so why bother to try to keep them.

Her life has been so bad that she deserves to be able to do whatever she wants.  If they want to be her friend they have to just accept it.  They’ve had such a good life that they need to make the effort for her.

She’s already tried to be friends with them in the past, but they don’t say hi to her.  Or when they say hi to her it’s only because they want something from her.

Talk about setting the situation up for failure.

But that’s her, what about me?

For some reason, the only people I can make a connection with are people that… to say that the only people I can make a connection with are people that I would want to sleep with would be an overstatement.  My idea of a perfect body image has… changed to my girlfriend’s body (minus the double chin and belly so I guess I’m still an ass).

But yeah, the girlfriend points out that everyone I try to be friends with is strangely on the more attractive side.

I feel more comfortable around more attractive people, why?:

  • People who think of themselves as unattractive can feel a sense of entitlement where the people they see as more attractive had a better roll of the dice.  As in they are willing to screw them over when the time comes, and not feel bad about it.
  • People with a higher self image are not as depressing.  They don’t constantly back talk themselves, and have a higher desire for pursuit, for improving themselves.  For getting involved.
  • That makes people with a higher body image more fun (potentially).
  • And then, yeah they’re fun to look at.

I don’t owe you anything because I’m younger than you.  My success was not free.

I don’t owe you anything because I weigh less than you.  My weight was worth the effort to me.  My weight was not free.

I don’t owe you anything because you think I’m more attractive than you.  You could fit my image of a perfect girl just like I fit your image of a your perfect boy.

I don’t owe you anything because I am a male.  There is female privilege just like there is male privilege.

I’m sorry for what you had to go through.  I’m sorry that I can’t make you understand me.

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4 thoughts on “Friendships in a Relationship

  1. Maybe the girl wants a friendship that is equal? What if the girl is a giver and all she wants to do is give and be thanked. You’re right, there are people that don’t want help, they just want to complain, but maybe the girl feels if she shows the complainer that there is someone out there that is nice and trusting that likes to help, why can’t they just say, “I’ll keep this friendship” , or at least try to hangout again and know that the girl has their back in time of need???

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  2. Why are looks so important?
    Why can’t someone be beautiful for other reasons?
    Yes… confidence and self-esteem is a beautiful thing, but you sound like you only care for the outside. Not all good looking people are nice. They have nothing to lose, because everyone wants to be their friend, so they don’t feel connected to anyone. There will ALWAYS be someone else on the inside of another door that looks better. Feeling a connection should be more important. The eye site inside the mind can always see someone as beautiful, more beautiful than the magazine beauty.
    Since you say you don’t owe her anything, are you saying she owes you something?
    Communication is a big factor in relationships. Maybe she tried too hard and you just saw that as a weakness in her…

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  3. The girl that puts herself down, is due to how society treats her and what a “beautiful” or “perfect” girl should look like. Negative impacts people’s lives and how they see themselves. Maybe she just wants to feel beautiful in a communication way. Tell her. Tell her everyday how you see her beauty. She will eventually believe it and her confidence and self-esteem will grow. But if she isn’t your “model type” looking then why did you choose her in the first place? She liked you, so you saw that as easy? And then you can throw her away for a new “model” ?
    Why can’t you love her?

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  4. Why do you want a best looking competition? You want to compete who is prettier… you or your girlfriend? Go out in public and see how many people you can get to stare at you or at your girl? Who’s better looking? There might be a little jealousy between you two still.
    Why would you want to hangout with girls you wanna sleep with, when you have a girlfriend that will do anything you want in bed? Not all girls are the same. And why would you want to hangout with girls that get you horny, yet you can’t touch them, they won’t be your friend very long and they will think you’re a creep. Go to a strip club at that point. It’s not hard to just start talking to people. What’s wrong with the friends your girlfriend makes? Are they not pretty enough for you?

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