Why I Take “Free Food” As An Insult

I was at the dinner table with my family.  The dishes kept coming out to the table, and I held back on the amount that I ate because I did not want to eat it all.  That’d be considered rude, and make it so that there was not enough food for anyone else.

After the last dish was finished, everyone got up from the table and it was claimed, by no one in particular, that the perfect amount of food had been made.  I didn’t particularly care, but as you could read by how this story is going that I was still hungry.  I didn’t care because I have little patience for not being served enough food, and I got my keys to go out.

“Where are you going?” My Mother asked.  I told her I was going out to get a pizza.  This made her angry, and since it was a dream we started tossing containers of spices across the room.  They smashed and glass exploded everywhere. While I lived with my parents I had a history of hoarding food in my room.

I went to get my cats and leave.  My visit was over.

Two things to note:

*The same goes for a visit to my grandparents, or a “free meal” given by employers.  If I can’t eat my fill I would rather not be imposed by your food.  I feel that leaving for more food would be an insult to you, and I take it as an insult that you are wasting my time.

*I eat more than twice what the average person does in a sitting, and I eat the same in a sitting regardless of whether I eat a meal once every three days, or three times a day.  When I have been working out all bets are off.

I take my personal bias and do not make a big deal about it when food is offered.  They are trying to be nice, and I accept their efforts.  Not to mention culturally “free food” is highly accepted with gratitude, with me being the exception.  Dreams such as this are a constant reminder to be wary of visiting my parents.


The Unexpected Costs of Cheaper Foods

I was shopping as I normally do at a store called Winco.  It is a large competitor for Walmart, and you don’t normally find them in the same area.

They are open 24/7 which is why I was there (at 2am after work). I have a fond spot for chicken strips, and I do pay a premium once in a while for a fancier brand.

Unfortunately, if you pay attention to how Winco restoks foods, you will find te frozen foods sitting outside of the freezers every night for an unknown amount of time.  I don’t see people actually opening and placing the frozen food into freezers, I only see them moving boxes around.  I also notice a lot of frost on the food.  I guess I was just in denial when I bought it anyway.

Now, feel free to argue that if you cook the food really well that you don’t need to worry about food poisoning.  You are wrong.  As many species of bacteria reproduce ten also produce toxins that when ingested will make you feel ill and throw up.  Thankfully your entire day isn’t ruined because once the toxin has passed through your system you can go on with you day.  So yes, after throwing up all morning I still went in to work feeling perfectly fine.

I went in again the next day and their fresher meat smelled like rotten fish.

You can buy the same brand foods at different stores and experience different levels of quality based on the store and how they treat their food.  You’ve been warned.

My battle with sugar, and how I cut it out of my diet!

I grew up eating a lot of sugar.  I drank a lot of milk, and a lot of soda.  There was even a period of time where I experimented with baking cookies where I would make a batch a day.  It only got worse when I turned 16 and started to travel around due to college.  I would eat pounds of candy at a time.  A dozen doughnuts.  I wouldn’t eat sugar for the taste but instead for the feel I would have in my stomach.  The sugar rush you could call it.  It would be painful, sure.  The sugar high would be accompanied with a sore stomach, and then after a while there would be the crash.

I was pretty bad at eating anyway so I didn’t notice any pains that were greater than normal.  I would eat a single meal a day, and there were times where I wouldn’t even eat that one meal.  I would crave sugar though.  When I was at the store looking at all the food in the isles my mout would water and I would need something sweet.  Like I said earlier: pound of candy, dozen doughnuts, something along those lines.

This was normal to me, and not something that I had done to myself because of my freedom.  It was the lifestyle that I been raised into.  I was used to ignoring the feeling associated with being hungry.  With growing up constantly ignoring them, feeling hungry would not make me want to eat.  In fact they would make it harder for me to eat.

A “slightly larger” mother who dieted and ate seperate meals designed to her combined with five children.  Meals were pushed off an hour at a time until there was only one large meal per day.  Even times were they was food in the fridge we were pressured to not eat because she was about to make us a meal.  My father has the same habit that I *used* to have.  He would come home and eat a meal after work, but does not eat much during the day. That is the present though, five to years ago he did the same, and I saw him do the same.  He would have boxes of snacks and sweets sitting around in his little cubicle.  Maybe he even does it to this day.

I would say that I didn’t really care about my eating habits until I had worked at my current job in Oregon for over a year.  They just didn’t matter.  I had more serious things to do with and I was healthy, alive.  It is the cravings that finally got to me, the loss of power that would happen after work and I would feel a disgusting pull to something sweet.  So one day I just went cold turkey.  The cravings stayed for about a month, and interestingly so did any ability I had to feel hungry.  In fact eating became gross, and every now and then I’d have to sit down and force myself to eat.  I didn’t quite realize how unhealthy this was until one day I noticed that I had not eaten for four days.  The longer I wouldn’t eat the harder it became to eat at all.

When I did eat I would feel bloated.  I wouldn’t have that smooth stomach that I wanted.  If eating half what you should and feeling fat for eating when you’re underweight aren’t signs of anorexia I don’t know what would qualify. (Developing anorexia, not being anorexic).

But I got a bit more pressure from life, and got an other sort of culture shock.  I began to eat small meals throughout the day, and built up the amount of food I could eat.  Then, a month ago, after having tried out rock climbing I joined two gyms.  Being able to tell myself that I don’t have to worry about adding on fat because I work out an hour a day has allowed me to eat as much as I want, and considering that I have cut out sweets and a large amount of snacks out of my diet the foods I eat consist of primarily vegetables, fruits, bread, and meat.

So now when people hear about what I eat they say that I’m one of the healthies people they know, but they don’t know.  I kind of feel bad for anyone who asks me for advice, and for people who might see the title and thing that it can help them out.  The only helpful advice I can give is quite simple.  Don’t look back, don’t give yourself days off.  It makes it all easier to not have it around, and to get in the habit of saying no always compared to only during specific times.  (The time difference between waking up and going cold turkey and joining the gym is approx. a year.)

How To Overcome Your Limited Supply Of Willpower

While scrolling through youtube I came accross this show where they were talking about willpower and how that relates to diet, and life.   // Fat Shaming & Thin Privilege (from Joe Rogan Experience #411 & #413).

The idea is that you have to make decisions constantly, and the more decisions you have to make the harder is it to make them.  When you have cravings for a food, or drug, ect, and you say no it takes effort, and it takes energy.  It’s easy to tell someone that they should just choose not to do something, but until you’ve felt that craving – the craving where you don’t care if it damages you, if it decreases your lifespan- you just need the craving to stop.  Until you’ve felt that craving you can’t say you understand what they’re going through.  People that get over their problems will forget about the experience as well (humans tend to forget about the worse things they’ve been through and instead remember the better things.)  Myself excluded but that’s another topic.

This willpower is not the same as making a decision.  It is making a decision that you would rather not have to make.  Making this decision in the chosen direction is painful whereas the other choice would not be as painful. (Instead regretted).

I bring this up because in a previous post I mentioned having held onto a desired personality trait for a maximum of two weeks or so.  In a way I thought of this because I could have continued the personality, but each time an event occured which weakened my stance and I had to make the choice of whether to continue or “give up.”

*Flake out the first date but still wants to try – ok, act like nothing’s happened but “waiting for it to fall apart.”

*Too busy to hang out on the weekend when I have four days off – little fishy, but I can trust and not get worried about it / Enters the state of expecting her to make the next major move

*She goes out on a date with someone else – Ok now I feel like a tool.  I could probably still chase her, perhaps win her over but my mind just drops and cuts her loose.

I know that, in writing all of this down, it is not anywhere near the same as the pain of trying to get healthy, but it is difficult to make the choice, and each choice is more difficult than the last until you “cave.”

I feel like this supply of willpower is only tapped into when it is out of your comfort zone, and I don’t feel as though the limited amount of explanation that I’ve covered stressed this point enough.  Any and all decisions in your comfort zone have a smaller requirement of willpower, per se, and also can easily be trained by your mind to be made with no effort continously.  Choices that you are not used to making, and are more difficult to make are the ones where it drains you in this sort where it comes accross as a “limited supply” rather than in a way where you can train your mind to make the decision easier.

*Each time you say no to bad food it gets easier to not eat the bad food – training your mind

*Eating better, working out, asking out girls you feel are out of your league, standing and giving lectures to a crowd, skydiving – each one is out of your comfort zone in its own way and working on one of them doesn’t make the other magically easier to master and deal with.

If you do have multiple things you want to work on do keep in mind that you can hold your mommentum when breaking your comfort zone.  As in if you make a list of the things and start doing them one after another you build mommentum where it is easier to do each task.  This is because your mental state is in a bit of shock and the comfort zone walls are weakened.  Do keep in mind that the shock will also keep the action from sticking.*  What I mean is that if you do all of them in a roll many of them won’t stick out and instead of working on, say giving lectures, you focused on breaking barriers instead of lecturing itself.  It won’t be the same as if you only gave a lecture and is dilluted by the other actions as well.  ! SO. ! Hold the mommentum for a while longer for it to stick so that the comfort zone doesn’t come back… ….

But once always makes the second time easier.

Oh my gosh just reading about willpower and food makes me think about how I used to have these terrible sugar cravings.  I don’t even eat candy anymore (basically at all) just because I’m half way scared the cravings would come back.

Ummmm, for those that have a craving that they’re trying to get over I’ll just give this advice and even put it into bold.

Don’t have a cheat day.  Don’t eat the food as a reward, don’t give yourself a weekend, just don’t.  Nothing is more painful than being clean for a month, and then letting yourself bing “just this once,” and finding yourself addicted again.  It’s not about seeing what you’re missing, ect/ect – you have the potential to kick back up your hormones, and you’ll have such a harder time saying “no,” and it’ll be so much harder, and it’ll so much more energy.  I’m not against having those days morality/judgement wise… Everyone is different, and cheat days are not something that work for me.