Raisin Oatmeal Cookies

I was at home, and took out the cookies that I had purchased from the store.  I bit into them, knowing that they were Raisin Oatmeal, and bit into them.

I knew it was a dream.  I would never knowingly buy Raisin Oatmeal, and I always check.

I was curious to see if I could taste them.  Disgusting.  OK, they weren’t that bad.

Falling Back Asleep

So maybe you almost fell asleep and something worke you up, or you woke up in the middle of a dream.  You have two choices, and each have their own benefit.

1) Work backwards through the dream remembering and writing down each detail.  This helps with memory and will help you remember your current and future dreams.

2) Continue the dream similar to how you would force start the dream of your choice.  For example, if you are driving down a road and you wake up, you can continue driving down the road.  DO NOT OPEN YOUR EYES.  Opening your eyes will bring in your other senses and cement you into consciousness.  If you instead just continue with your imagination you can slip back into your dream state.

Although you should realize that if you become successful with this technique you will not remember the dream when you wake.

Pff. I honestly would rather prefer to remember my dreams than have a mild sleep dissorder that makes it hard to wake up…

What A Dream Can Say About You

I want to imply here that the world can be seen in many ways, and that the world is the same regardless of the way it is observed.  But the world can be changed based on the way it is observed.  Because observations change actions.

I occassionally have a dream that not only questions why I keep a dream journal, but also questions my desire to live.  It is as though there is no way that I can grow my life to comapre to the dreams that I dream.

My dream was a rather simple one.  A girl that I had been secretly crushing on was over at my family house, and I chose to go to my bedroom.  Not for any particular reason, but because it was my space, secure, safe.  I had chosen not to ask her out or get involved because she was four years younger than me, and that kind of age difference matters when you’re only in high school.  Liking her made me feel like a pedophile.  And fearing that you’re a pedophile makes it easy to ignore emotions.  As if I did not have enough reasons to be ignoring them in the first place.

The sad part was that she was into me as well.

The dream continued with her knocking on my door and asking if I wanted to get pizza or watch a movie.  Within a matter of seconds another girl knocked on my bedroom window.  Another girl that was rather extroadinarily hot and one that I had also spent a great deal of time around.  In college of course, which makes it acceptable except for the fact that she was in a relationship. She had shown an interest in my interests, and weirdly I had shot her down pretty badly.

She had asked why I did not participate in track or cross country anymore.  Running was a “gateway” drug to my cutting, and when I started to cut running just made me angry.  Angry at how I wasn’t competitive during the years I trained for hours a day because I had asthma and taking medications would have made me weak.

I told her that I had learned how that I found running to be based on pain, and that I was not interested in chasing after pain.  You can immagine how that type of reasponse could be a “well, okay conversation’s over” type of reaction if not said well enough.  And I was in the period of learning how to talk to people at that point in time.  Not to mention ignoring emotion due to not wanting to form bonds.  Everyone was going to go their seperate ways ater college after all?.  Socially I grow rather slow.

She entered into my room and specifically asked if I wanted to fuck.

A feeling of sickness started to reach into my stomach, and when placed in a situation where I have to make a choice I generally just let time slip and choose neither.  Way to lose out right?  but choosing either would demean the other?  I figure I could make a choice if I had to.  Although the choice would have been very flip of the coin.

But then they agreed I could have them both.  That they would not mind something casual until I was able to decide between them.  That they wanted to see if it would work out too, to test the waters before committing.  That having to make a choice between the two might be more serious than they’d like.

Which is a problem? that I’ve had.  That I take everything too seriously, and generally don’t accept dates from anyone else after I’ve been on the first with something.  That I give them too much credit and seriousness.  Something about wanting it to be more relaxed.

Something of this sort can be seen two ways.  Either you can see the dream as something that can’t compare to real life, or you can see it as having improved, and that you are one step closer to the life you want to live.

Not that I want to be with two girls at the same time.  In this situation I’d never accept that – as if I was saying that they’re not good enough to be the only one that is with me.

I don’t want cheese pizza

I walked into a restaurant at lunch with a few coworkers.  This restaurant is similar to a mall setup that has multiple places to buy food, but I’m fairly sure the idea came from my college CUB.

I ordered a calzone, and a slice of cheese pizza with chips.  I don’t care to look up the type of chip, but it was very specific and the clerk? made sure the type of chip displayed was the one I wanted.  The clerk has a very rememberable face, one that is in a lot of movies.  Again, another name I can not remember, but the fact that I can picture his face is what matters.

*I do tend to order two meals when I buy food.  I do usually eat them both as well, but I don’t always plan to. Typically if I don’t toss out any food I don’t get the ‘feel’ that I was able to eat as much as I wanted to. Which means that I can’t feel full unless I toss out food.

I didn’t actually want the cheese pizza, instead I would rather have had peperoni or meat lovers, or something along those regards.  Even though the clerk would not mind me correcting myself, for some reason doing so would be putting him out in my mind.

But how are people supposed to know what you want unless you tell them, and correct yourself if you tell them something else by mistake?  It’s not interpreting the dream as telling me I need to change myself, but instead it is my dream telling me a fact about myself that I have the option to change.  One that will make everyone better off.

That’s all I got. Cheers, happy Monday everyone!

Flying Pizza

It’s hard to write about dreams when it’s not the weekend, and this week was exceptionally busy.  And I don’t feel like talking about this dream at all so I’ll cut out a lot of details.

I woke up in the middle of the night and noticed someone left out the butter and the toaster was on.  (In real life this bedroom is rather large and there is a table in this section of the room.)

I was able to open doors and turn on and off lights by flicking them or asking the lights to turn on or off.  It’s really fun.  I think it is a byproduct of lucid dreaming- being more comfortable with changing your surroundings during non-lucid dreams.

Although I began to notice I was asleep while doing this/ I did not become lucid yet.

I became lucid in a desire to get out of the situation I was pushed into where i removed someone from existence and changed another before flying out a window.

There was a slice of pizza and the ceiling as I left the window which I grabbed because I was hungry, but I saw my sister also on a higher up portion of the ceiling who I dropped the slice to as I floated away.  I did not float too far before I woke up.

Sex dreams / The Talk With Father

*****3/27

I’m going to first go over yesterday’s dream so that I can weed out the number of actual readers so they don’t know more about my family than my actual family knows. 😉

I was at a sex club / murder house that I and this girl had been abducted and brought to.  I say sex club because I was doing it with this amazingly beautiful girl and there was another couple next door who were as well.  (Never gone to a sex club irl).

We needed protection so we opened our door.  I knew that down the hall I had been working on building a secret room to hide in / use to escape from the guards.  (That’s how the murder house is involved?). There were doors down the hall on either side for a good distance which is not abnormal for dreams, conscious mental movies, or stories.

We made it to the room, but the guards heard the girl doing something on the counter.  I got her to stop making noise and bluffed the door waiting to see if they  would walk past.  They spoke and acted as though they did not hear anything out of the ordinary but one of them still came into the room.  It felt like my brother, but did not have the face of my brother.  (I have had dreams with people involved from to but with the faces of them too.). I wasn’t worried because I was invincible and could get shot by the gaurs and I’d be fi right, so I attacked him when he came in.  I didn’t have time to attack the second guard because apparently getting hit by the gun, even though it did not do much, woke me up since I had been asleep for a good period of time anyway.  I woke up with the best feeling ever, the feeling that has driven my dream journal.  The little things in life. 🙂

My sleep disorder finally doesn’t feel as bad anymore, and I don’t feel the need to sleep as much as I did before when I had days off. It’s one of the reasons why I eat, why I give an hour  a night to work out.  If I work out an hour, and get to sleep an hour less I win twice.

*****3/28

I was back at my parents, again, because apparently when I fall asleep I can not but help to have unresolved family issues.

I was in some random corner of the house, I don’t quite remember what I was doing there.  Something that they didn’t enjoy, and decided to confront me about. There’s always some conflict that requires me to say “nope, now I’m leaving” so I gather my things to leave.

Something about my little brother trying to open the door to let in a cat, and the space was mine, but under the parents ownership/influence?  I can’t quite explain…

My father came to talk to me.  This is strange because it is something he’s never really done.  I’ve never had a good sit down and talk about life kind of conversation with father – it is always him telling us he could have done things different, better.  We are not good enough for him.  Which is fine I guess I don’t quite care about making him proud.

I yelled at him for not protecting us from mother.  (I can’t tell when awake- so not a loud yelling but more of an angry punch in the face type of language.  Where the words do the damage the voice would have done.). For not having a hand in our lives, for not giving me a reason to live.  I could feel love for him, but I told him that it was too late for our relationship, and that I would not be able to ever forgive him and move on.  He actually wanted to try in my dream which is rather amusing.

The thought of going to a mental institute was kind, soothing.  I pulled down my shirt to show him the scars on my shoulder.  (I realize traditionally shirts are pulled up- in dream interpretation this is to indicate how the cuts were placed higher up to prevent detection.  While still being on the extremities since they damage so much better than the chest or stomach).

I had new cuts, ones that I was surprised to see.  Pulling down my sleeve further showed more cuts and scares that don’t actually exist- and should have in theory allowed me to go lucid.  But I was so focus on father that I must have not cared about lucid dreaming.

There was something else after that’s now gone. The dream wants to pull away.  I need to practice more.  But you could say I prefer to be busy and don’t like having the time to practice.

Dreaming While Drunk

I was invited to a weekend adventure at coworker’s cabin on the coast.  During this trip, per social norms, drinking was involved.  And per usual when I know I will have somewhere where I feel safe to sleep I drink a bit more than I should.  I even had the agonizing hour of alcohol poisoning pain that makes me consider never drinking another day in my life.  (Which I am aware of is specific to me considering the first time I experienced this I did not pass .00% on the breathalizer.)

But that’s not what this story is about.  This story is about how alcohol intensifies dreams.  I for the first time not only remember that I had a 3D “life-like” dream, but one that I can still remember the images of.

It was real.  When my cat Feanor started talking I was confused because this couldn’t be a dream.  Feanor got a little angry at me when the dream became lucid.  His eyes started twitching and his eyes went all loopy like the mad cat in Alice in Wonderland.  And then I was surprised that I had fallen asleep which prompted me to wake up.

For the most part I began my experiments while drinking a glass right before bed so having alcohol intensity dreams is not new to me.  However, I also find that for the most part lucid dreams do not last as long.

And for anyone that was hoping for a longer story than that!  I had other dreams too.  They’re just gone. #Catattack