Changing For a Relationship

I will never again believe someone if they say that they will change for me.  I will never give someone that chance.  I told her that I didn’t think she wanted to be who I wanted her to be.

Which makes me the ass.  But I don’t care if its my fault.  At the end of the day fault doesn’t matter.  Everyone loses.

“If the person didn’t want to be fat, then they wouldn’t be.  They would change for themselves, they wouldn’t need to change for you.  The effort, the pain involved in changing the lifestyle.  All of that is pain you cause them, they are not doing it for themselves.”

Seriously?  I don’t understand.  Well I guess I do.  Pain is your identity.  Discomfort is who you are.  If you lost that, you would lose your identity, you would be something different.  If you grew up disliking a type of person, then you wouldn’t want to change and be one.

It’s the stupid middle class syndrome.  Change is dis-comfortable, and discomfort contains more pain than the alternative.

I’d be the same way too if I didn’t have a different kind of pain.  I need a reason to live, and I’m looking for that reason.  I have to continue to change to try to get rid of that pain, that lack of reason.

When the other person express discomfort for an avoidable reason, it isn’t hard to understand, but it can be hard to accept.  When it’s just someone, you can brush it off, but when it’s someone you care about it hurts to watch their pain.  It is painful to see them in pain, and then they expect you to … just accept it.  But when helping them means sacrifice, and you see it as an avoidable sacrifice that didn’t have to happen?  Don’t help me then they say.

You don’t care enough about me to help me they say.

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