“I’m Easy to Please” – The Loss of “The Chase”

I was guilty of this in the past and I knew it killed my desireability, but it didn’t hit home until I went on a few dates with someone who had this same personality.

By saying that you’re easy to please, you don’t have any dealbreakers, you can be easily enterained, you’re up for anything… I’m not saying it comes off as desperate, but instead as accepting and open.

However, you don’t have much of a personality.  Instead the focus is on making sure they don’t feel rejected even if it comes at the cost of being rejected yourself.

When you first start to get to know someone, especially if sexually or romantically attracted to them you become interested in their lives and what they enjoy, and all the little stuff.  Someone who has no specific interests can be seen as bland/boring.  Instead the focus of the relationship quickly is directed away from other activities to sex.  Not because either person is shallow, but because it is the only thing they have to offer.

Also, it forces the other person is expected to make all the moves, determine the speed of escalation, ect.  And for a guy this can be an issue since the guy is the one who is culturally responsible.  For a girl they’ve got more options in this field. Since this easy to please person appears to be going simply through the motions (you’re taking them to things you like to do), it can feel like they’re waiting for you to escalate to sex.

So in my situation the gut induced obvious move is to invite her back to my place. I don’t have an issue with sex.  I’d be all for renting a room in a hotel, flowers, candles.  I could make it fairly romantic.  For lack of knowing what she enjoys she has a great and entertaining personality.  My issue is with letting her into my space.  My safe spot that I walk into after pretending to be human for a long day and curl in a corner and wait for the pain to subside.  I don’t trust her enough yet.

I feel as though it would be a loss for us both if I just complained, said it was over, that I’m not ready for a relationship (probably aren’t).  It would also make me a fool if I left as some sort of way to do her a favor.  So what do I want?  I want to know what she enjoys, and if she doesn’t know yet that’s even better.  I told her “easy to please” just makes everything more of a challange.  What’s one more impossible challange?  I’ll take them all on.

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Movie Review: The 40-Year-Old-Virgin

So I’ll do a quick Pro/Con because I feel pessimistic when I do movie reviews.  Which is why I really prefer TV shows which build deeper meanings rather than rushing things.

Pros: Waiting to have sex (bein a virgin) isn’t that big of a deal for women.  They won’t shun you, or not date you because of it.  And they’ll likely want to have sex with you in order to fix you.  To help you out? sort of thing.

He umm, talked about how hard it was for him, and even asked if woman would find him attractive.

Cons: They try to say that

  • It’s all in your mind, you can make the choice at any momment to have sex.  It was actually dissapointing how good his “game” was.  He didn’t come off as shy or anxious like people in this situation would be in.  You can’t just turn off your emotions and talk up a girl.
  • Every girl wants to have sex with you, all you have to do is say O.K.
  • Waited until marriage.  Usually one would consider this to be a good thing, and makes for an ok climax, but it felt off to me.
  • “I don’t know why you won’t sleep with me.”  – O.K., I’ll just leave, but then we’ll still be able to for a good bond together.

Yayyy, after having sex he all of a sudden was a functioning member of society, and he sold all of his “toys,” even though this “was who he was, and he didn’t want to be forced to sell his stuff.”

If you think it’s as easy as a drop of the dime to change who you are in order to fit into social norms that’s just rediculous.

I’m sorry, I just keep thinking about how close it is to “just stop being gay, it’s a choice, and you can just choose to be a normal functioning person.”